So you thought you could plan your Indian wedding with just your fiancee. And maybe get away with asking only a few other people like your BFF and parents for help (and opinions).
And then there’s your mother-in-law. She has some “good” ideas and says wants to help. What do you assign her?
And then there’s your aunty neighbor who really wants to make some food for the Mehndi night.
You’ll probably learn the hard way, and I’m not telling you anything new – but everyone will want to be involved as you plan your Indian wedding.
Your mom’s friend who stops by will tell you how you have to have a wedding ceremony aisle with water along the sides because she saw it at a wedding she went to last month and loved it. Ok, it’s a good idea, but is that what you guys want?
Your mom doesn’t like the idea but your MIL does. And who’s going to figure out the logistics to make it work since your decorator has never done it?
Everyone will have an opinion but who’s <actually> going to help?
This is the common struggle. Parents, friends, and extended family will be so excited about your Indian wedding that they all want to jump on the help bandwagon, but they either don’t know how to help or you don’t know how they can actually help you.
So now you have 20 people asking you what they can help with..the tension builds and you can feel the stress coming on. But realistically, some people will actually help you and some, well, let’s be honest. They might just be offering help for the sake of offering help.
So, what do you do now?
Tame the Ideas
You hear it time and time again. Your mom wants traditional Gujarati food for lunch after the wedding. Your mother-in-law wants to take family photos before the wedding ceremony. You both don’t want either.
This isn’t Bollywood fantasyland here. This is your wedding. You’re the one getting married. Not that you forgot that, but they might’ve forgotten it. Actually, they didn’t forget it. It’s a family affair, isn’t it? That means everyone gets an opinion! Ahhh…
Your job is to tame the ideas. By “tame” I mean – the first step is to accept all ideas from family and friends – even if they’re out there ideas or realistic ideas but just not your style.
Whether or not you accept those ideas is another thing. You want them to feel like you’re listening (which you should be).
Once you have those ideas laid out, decide what you’re going with.
Whether it’s mandap style or the type of flowers for the table centerpieces, make a plan. That plan should include writing down your choice on a spreadsheet or in an organized wedding binder.
If you’re having trouble with family expectations and tensions, check out this post.
Tame your list of helpers
Keep the initial helpers to a minimum. That means, including at most, a handful of people to help you navigate how to plan your Indian wedding.
Tasks include (but not limited to) some of these examples:
- Accompanying you to the appointment at the bakery
- Sitting down with the Hindu priest to review ceremony steps
- Discussing with your parents what events you’ll have at home
Then, recruit more family and friends to help over the wedding weekend. That could be people who aren’t local but who are willing to get the job done. (More on that later).
Assign Tasks
Be specific about the task and who is being assigned the task. Remember when I said filter help requests? After you have your filtered list, make a list of who you want to assign tasks to.
If you want your parents to help with something specific, don’t just casually mention the task to them. They will forget.
With all of the wedding stress, you cannot casually mention anything to them. Plus, they might unintentionally slightly alter the task to what they hear is the task.
I’m not saying they can’t hear. All parents do this! Include minor tasks like “greet wedding guests at the door.”
You’ll be surprised how many obvious (and minor) things get missed at weddings because everyone is preoccupied with making the events go smoothly.
Write Everything down on paper.
So you’ve assigned the tasks. Now, write the tasks down. Write everything down.
Make an excel grid with Event, Task owner, Task, Time that task will occur, and any other details. Then, print out that grid for each person. Highlight each person’s line on their copy of the task list.
This is the only way to avoid panic, guessing, and ambiguity leading up to and during your wedding weekend. More importantly, it’ll prevent your helpers from coming to you with questions.
Read this post on how to get organized before you start planning.
A snippet of Nilesh’s Task list for the Sangeet Night (Father of Bride):
When completed, physically hand the task owner the list. It sounds too simple, but it works, so just do it.This snippet includes tasks AT the Sangeet night, but you can make a similar list for all tasks that need to happen leading up to the wedding. You could also list tasks by month to make things easier.
Pre-plan wedding weekend tasks
Now you’re closer to your wedding weekend. How do you manage your helpers? You need one to two people (ideally a sibling, maid of honor and/or best man) to be your go-to point people.
Those will be the people who’ll be directing all questions – from guests to vendors. You won’t be answering questions over the weekend (get ready and ENJOY it!).
This all sounds easy. It’ll be harder than it looks. But if you stay organized and on top of your tasks, you’ll come out happier on the other side – READ: a calm, non-stressed bride.
And if you approach it right, you’ll be happy because you’re getting the help and they’ll be happy because they get to help the people they love.
Win. Win.
Happy Planning,
Satya